Letter sent on 30 Sep 1927 from Luxor, Egypt

Dear Wedgy,

Sorry I haven't written for while but I have been otherwise engaged and you'll never guess by what. Bunty, that complete arse of a cousin of mine is over staying with me. You remember him, short, thick and annoying; the sort of chap that bumbles around chaotically like a whirlwind causing untold damage and carnage and then walks away unscathed. He is staying at the behest of my mother as a favour to my auntie for 3 months. They seem to think he could be helpful. And he would be, if only I were in the demolition business. Sadly his brand of idiocy and simple minded clumsiness are not the qualities I look for when dealing with fragile artefacts which are several thousand years old.

On more than one occasion, I have felt the overwhelming urge to clasp my hands around his neck and squeeze very hard. Fortunately for Bunty he has a neck akin very much in size and durability to that of a Rhino. Should he ever face the prospect of the hangman's noose, then I have no doubt that the rope will yield before he does. Knowing my luck, instead of trying out other methods of execution, the law would classify his neck as an act of God and he would be allowed to go free. Still, only another 2 months, 3 weeks and 5 days.

Do hope you and yours are well.

Write soon.

Jack

Letter from Cairo to Mr Andrew Langton on 9 Sep 1927.

Dear Langers,

I hope this letter finds you both well. Sorry for not writing for a while but things have become unpleasantly complicated over the last few weeks. It all started when out of the blue, I received a letter of introduction from Auntie Jane regarding Bunty which was quite unnecessary as I know him well and any attempt to portray him as anything else than a cretin and a buffoon can only be greeted with derision. In response to this, I wrote to Ma Ma to ask her why it had been sent to me. I said to her, 'Why it almost seems to be some kind of request for a job which makes little sense as I am of course studying hard as Papa always wanted and not employed in any kind of work of any kind. Perhaps you would be good enough to explain in the next letter.'

She did explain. Apparently Lottie had let slip at the Wedding during one of her drunk but talkatively conscious moments, that I was running a small but profitable business in Cairo. My mother, never one to miss a trick, in one statement said that my father was never to know if my studies continued well and in the second statement, informed me that cousin Bunty was coming over to help with the business to ensure my studies didn't suffer.

I was about to march out to the telegraph office to send a violent exclamation of protest but for the fact that the overgrown, underdeveloped Darwinian throwback was stood outside my door. Unfortunately I had not had time to pack away all the valuables and secure all breakables. Consequently I have been spending the last three weeks clearing up after him as you would a child. If I hear him say "What's this for," followed by an ear splitting crash once more, I shall commit murder according to strict legal interpretation and putting him out of his misery by anyone else's interpretation.

I pray that your life is kinder and simpler than mine.

Fond regards,

Jack.