Letter dated 15 th March 1927 to Mr Andrew Langton

Dear Langers,

The threads of my life seem to be converging at one single point with the sole and express purpose of eliciting exquisite annoyance and unparalleled irritation. You remember how I told you that my Auntie had started becoming uncharacteristically nice to me; well since then, my cretinous cousin Bunty has written, or should I rather say, drawn to me for the first time in fifteen years and my mother has been conspiratorially in cahoots with my Auntie which is never a good sign. I had a suspicion that something was up but I couldn't put my finger on it so up until now, I have been enjoying the hampers Auntie sent to me and revelling in the idiocy of my cousin and the several thousand miles between us.

Then it arrived this morning; the gathering storm, the fly in my ointment, the turd in my bathwater. A letter, but not just any letter. A letter from my mother informing me that Buntie was in ill health and that he will be coming to stay with me. Apparently he is under doctor's orders to leave England and take a trip to the sun. Sounds like a good wheeze. I might pay this doctor a visit myself and see if he can prescribe a trip to the Bahamas for me to recuperate from some fictional tropical disease whilst Bunty comes here. My mother is insisting that he come over as soon as possible as there is a influenza epidemic in England and he might catch it in his weakened state. You've met him. What about me! What if I catch something?

Mother has threatened to reduce my allowance if I resist. Fortunately the new business is taking off rather well and I have now moved into trading and shipping of ancient artefacts. All legal and above board and nothing big you know, just a few small trinkets but they seem to sell. If Bunty comes over, I can say goodbye to all that as he has a mouth the size of a small mine shaft and cannot be trusted to keep confidence. No doubt the whole setup will be blabbed to my mother in a telegram together with perfuse and stomach churning thanks for sending here in the first place. No, I will have to find some cunning way of putting him (and her) off.

I'm meeting up with my tutor tomorrow to review my research so far. Could be a very short meeting.

Hope you and Kitty are well.

All the best.

Jack.